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RELATIONSHIP FAQs

Updated: Jul 4, 2021


Q: Is marriage an essential process in life?

Let me try to help you understand what I mean, have you ever wondered that if you had a lot of money, you would be very happy. If yes, then try meeting with people who has a lot of money and ask them how happy they think they are. Have you been to a beautiful place alone and then suddenly, for a moment you thought, if only someone was beside you whom you could just wrap around and see the view.

Why is it, please notice, each phase in our life has things that it wants to do. Like when we see kids playing in the park and imagine the days when we were kids and used to do so many funny stuff. Every phase in our life needs something and we should do those things when the time is right. Marriage is one such thing, we might not want to get married at some point but again there will come a point in your life, when you would wish that you were married.

 

Q: Your kid is being bullied by his peers; What can you do?

A: It is not unusual that a kid is bullied in school. Even though it is true that it affects the kid psychologically, but if you help your kid to see the benefits of it, it may make your kid resistant to criticism, build confidence, withstand tough times, etc. I am not promoting bullying but sometime we have to accept certain things because it is not in our control.

Coming to the question, we can certainly, as a parent go to kid’s school, talk to the principal, talk to the kids who bully, or maybe talk to their parents and we all know how it goes. Your kid will be bullied more. There is however a way you can manage to talk to the bullying kids. See, we have to understand something about kids, they will do what is restricted to them or are not allowed to do.

Try an opposite approach, go to the school, and meet the kids very casually and not in an attitude that you are going to yell. Casually, in a friendly manner tell them that it is good that they are bullying your kid and it is making him strong, your kid may not realize it now but he is and that the kids are not bullying your kid too much, after all the more they bully your kid, the stronger he will get and one day he will be able to push back and give an answer to them or maybe it will make him nonchalant or indifferent to their bullying.

Few things to keep in mind, your tone should not provoke them, instead it should project a picture in their head that the more they will bully your kid, the stronger he will get and that it is in your kid’s benefit that those kids are bullying.

 

Q: Should you be friends with your ex?

A: It is a subjective matter and totally depends on the nature of three individuals. One is you, other is your ex and third and most important person in this case becomes your life partner. How does your partner feel about you speaking with your ex. Even though there is nothing at present between you and your ex and you are good friends, however you will have to try to understand and accept the fact that there was some past between you two, so it becomes bit difficult for your life partner to accept.

Just talking to your ex once in a while or when you coincidently meet or you have to visit a place where you know your ex will be present, in these cases, it is not harmful to talk to them. To know for sure, talk to you current partner about how do they feel and if its alright for them if you talk.

 

Q: If you are having a bad day, would you want your partner to leave you alone or cheer you up?


A: This brings us back to the first and most important thing a couple must have and that is clear communication. One would not know in the initial stage of their relationship how exactly to handle their partner when they are having a bad day. Every person behaves differently during bad time and might react differently and use ways to lighten their mood, some wants to be left alone, some listens to music, some screams, some feels light after sharing.

I suggest it is best to ask your partner how do they want to be treated and what makes them comfortable during such moments.

 

Q: I am not able to adjust with my partner, what should I do?


A: Adjusting with anyone is a matter of priority and perspective. Lets say, both of you work, girl doesn’t like to cook and you like home food. What would you do, fight everyday? One way to resolve if to get a cook. If you cannot afford one, then priority comes into play, how much you care and respect each other. Since both of you work, it becomes both of your responsibility and cooking together would prove to be very effective as there won’t be any bias. As you both are adjusting, either of you cannot complain about it and on the positive side, you both will get more time together in an activity which will strengthen your bond and understanding.

When you are questioning that it is you who is adjusting, you might want to take a deep breathe and observe the things that your partner has changed because you like it that way.

 

Q : What is the tipping point that makes you not care about relationships anymore?


A : None. Most people at some point feel this way. They never want to get serious in future relationships. Making a decision to not care about relationships will not only make you suffer but it will also affect the partner you will be with in the future which I believe is unfair to that person.

I think there is nothing more powerful that can hold people together than love. Once you see that the other person is pouring his/her love so much that you start to accept what has happened in the past and see that your past memories starts to fade away.

 

Q : If I only cheated on my girlfriend/boyfriend once, am I still considered a cheater?


A : I think the better question you should ask yourself is why did you need someone else when you already have the one by your side. If you loved your gf/bf then you wouldn't normally think about anyone else and it will show in your behavior and girls/boys will also not try to hit on you since they would have sensed it. If they are, that means something in your behavior triggered that you are open to other better opportunity perhaps, which led a girl/boy to come close to you and you ended up cheating.

 

Q: Why only your life-partner called as your better-half? Can your better-half be anyone else than your life-partner?


A: There are various reasons for that. First, your life partner is the only person with whom you are going to spend your life. Second, Parents will get old, children will be busy in their own responsibilities. Maybe you are confusing between better-half and supporter. Because, a supporter could be anyone, he could be you friend, your parent, your sibling, your teacher or mentor. They will help you elevate in your life/career but they are not the ones who is with you all the time (I mean physically). However, your life-partner will be with you all the time, all your life. Another thing I would mention is better-half can also be perceived as your compliment, it means that you both have different personality yet you complete each other.

 


Q: If you found out that your sister is in a relationship? What should you do?


A: Well, you need to calm yourself down first because it is not a crime and your mind must be flooded with all the scenarios. I would suggest, first know about who the guy is, try to find out about the guy and if his care for your sister is genuine. Second, think about how your parents might react, if they would accept or resist or would take time to accept. My first option is alway to communicate. Talk to your sister, ask her as much as possible about the guy (so you know what that guy has told her), about practical things they will encounter in future, about responsibilities they will have to handle to understand if their feelings are real or it is just the phase they might be going through. These things will help you to when you communicate with your sister and to put your opinion on the table. Once, you listen to her, she will open up and be ready to listen to you too.

 

Q: What makes you happier in a relationship, sharing or sacrificing?


A: I would ask a simple question, why does it have to be either of the above. Sharing and sacrificing is a part of a relationship not a way. Let’s say you both go to an ice cream parlor and they have only one left, in this care sharing is a clear choice rather than sacrificing. However, if you both want a dress and you only have budget for one, sacrificing will strengthen your bond. I am not saying only one person should sacrifice every time, because as I said before both are part of a relationship. Doing both sometimes will only deepen your relation and make you happier.

 

Q: Will you say sorry to your partner even though it’s not your fault?


A: I would advice to ask yourself, why would you want to get into a competition of ego with a partner you have committed your life with. Apologizing never make you any lower than your partner. I am not saying that only one person has to take that step always. One has to think that every relation is built on trust, compromise and sacrifice. It means, there is no harm in saying sorry, if you believe your apology will resolve the whole issue. Think about what is more important, your relationship, your memories of moments spent together or a simple apology.

 

Q: Is it alright to change anything for your partner? Or should you?


A: It is perfectly fine to change your habits. I will not recommend to do it for someone. What I mean is, first think about what is being asked to change, then think about whether the change is good for you or benefit you, if the answer is yes, then change it but change it for yourself. I would always recommend to make sure that any decision you make should always be yours, no matter if it is influenced by someone else. Because after you make a decision, it will not matter who made you take that decision, all that would matter is that you will have to live with that decision.

 

Q: Do you feel that your kids don’t listen to you? What can you do ?


A: This is a typical stage with teenagers where parents feel their kids are being influenced by their friends and not listening to the parents. In this case I will not blame the teenager since they will not know the difference between a good or a bad decision or friend circle for that matter. What I would suggest to parents is to think of the time when they were their kid’s age, and what were their feelings. What I mean is, kids want someone who will understand their mindset for doing certain things or their point of view rather than listen to boring wisdom from their parents. They need someone they can freely communicate with and who will listen to them, once you listen to them, they will start to trust you and also begin to take your comments or opinions on their thoughts or actions.

Best way to get into someone’s head is to listen to them.

 

Q: What are the bad habits you should avoid or you will regret later?


A: Well, the answer to this could be debatable because everyone will have a different perspective of good and bad. However, in a general sense, I feel if you are doing something consistently that will harm you (physically or mentally), it is a bad habit. Anything under a limit is manageable but who will decide the limit now? For example, I have seen a lot of people including my clients who initially never had alcohol or smoke. One day they tried it for fun, couple of months later, they justified their drinking or smoking as occasions, which after couple of months turned into once a month thing, which turned into once a week. Now it has become a habit and they justify it with the stress they have in their work/life Believe me, regret is not something you want to keep at any point in your life, it will eat you from the inside like a termite.

 

Q: What role does money and intimacy play in modern days relationship?


A: Money and intimacy in a relationship is equally important. If one has money but lack expected intimacy, frustration will kick in, on the other hand, if you do not have required money for your daily needs, no matter how great your intimate life is, after some time, you will realize that money is important to survive and when you are not able to provide for your family, it will again lead to frustration and which will slowly affect your intimate life.

 

Q: You are rich and successful but still you are not happy?


A: Happiness is not something you chase, it is a by product of the actions you take. Being rich and successful might have given you a temporary high and a feel of happiness but once you are there, it will be the same thing everyday. How long will you be happy buying material things or partying.

You have to ask yourself and understand your priorities, what matters to you. Even if you are rich and successful, maybe they are not something that you value most. Think about what does and do that.

 

Q: Relations with your family is broken and you want to repair it. How?


A: It is a great thing that you want to improve your relationship with your family. Now I am assuming family where means your parents, wife or kids and not relative because the advice would be different in that case.

If there was something bad happened in the past with your family, don’t try to do nice things believing they will readily accept it. They won’t. Instead, think of the things that you think are the causes as to why the relationship is the way it is today. You would find plenty of mistakes done on both sides.

Once that is clear, take a step forward, get all your family together (don’t talk one on one), and explain all the mistakes you did and accept it in front of them. This will help change what they think about you. Now, through your actions, show that you really want to patch things up.

 

Q: What are the best things to strengthen your family?


A: Best thing one can do to strengthen the bond with their family is clearly communicating any and all misunderstandings that arise between them. One should not hesitate to let their family know how much they mean to you. Many people tend to take their family members and what they do for granted. Accepting the differences and appreciating smaller things done for each other are key factors in building relationships.

 

Q: What is the effect of cell phones in family life?


A: How anything affect someone’s family totally depends on how they want to keep it. Internet has brought the world close but sent even neighbors far from each other. People are hammered with infinite information every second. To avoid personal connection, people are getting addicted to virtual world and cell phones are providing a temporary satisfaction.

People watching funny or animal videos are thinking that they can be happy watching it but only to realize the emptiness they feel as soon as they are off their phones. They realize that they do not have the relation with their family as they wanted or used to have. In broader terms, cell phones can ruin your life if you give priority to virtual reality over real relationships.

 

Q: Should you disclose your past relationship with your partner?


A: Everybody has a past. Expecting that your partner should never have been in a relationship is biased and in a way selfish. There are certain things you have to be clear about, such as how is your relationship with your partner, are they understanding or are they always suspicious. You do not want to put oil in the fire, at the same time you also need to be very careful about how much information you share about your past relationships. Because no matter what, your partner starts to create a picture in their head if you are describing any personal details about the past, which will unnecessarily bother them and difficult to accept and move on.

Hiding could be risky, because no matter how much you believe that they will never find out, I always advice to tell it yourself rather than heard from someone else and we won’t know how others will describe it. Be honest with your partner, but cognizant of details at the same time.

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RELATIONSHIP FAQs

Updated: Jul 4, 2021


Q: Is marriage an essential process in life?

Let me try to help you understand what I mean, have you ever wondered that if you had a lot of money, you would be very happy. If yes, then try meeting with people who has a lot of money and ask them how happy they think they are. Have you been to a beautiful place alone and then suddenly, for a moment you thought, if only someone was beside you whom you could just wrap around and see the view.

Why is it, please notice, each phase in our life has things that it wants to do. Like when we see kids playing in the park and imagine the days when we were kids and used to do so many funny stuff. Every phase in our life needs something and we should do those things when the time is right. Marriage is one such thing, we might not want to get married at some point but again there will come a point in your life, when you would wish that you were married.

 

Q: Your kid is being bullied by his peers; What can you do?

A: It is not unusual that a kid is bullied in school. Even though it is true that it affects the kid psychologically, but if you help your kid to see the benefits of it, it may make your kid resistant to criticism, build confidence, withstand tough times, etc. I am not promoting bullying but sometime we have to accept certain things because it is not in our control.

Coming to the question, we can certainly, as a parent go to kid’s school, talk to the principal, talk to the kids who bully, or maybe talk to their parents and we all know how it goes. Your kid will be bullied more. There is however a way you can manage to talk to the bullying kids. See, we have to understand something about kids, they will do what is restricted to them or are not allowed to do.

Try an opposite approach, go to the school, and meet the kids very casually and not in an attitude that you are going to yell. Casually, in a friendly manner tell them that it is good that they are bullying your kid and it is making him strong, your kid may not realize it now but he is and that the kids are not bullying your kid too much, after all the more they bully your kid, the stronger he will get and one day he will be able to push back and give an answer to them or maybe it will make him nonchalant or indifferent to their bullying.

Few things to keep in mind, your tone should not provoke them, instead it should project a picture in their head that the more they will bully your kid, the stronger he will get and that it is in your kid’s benefit that those kids are bullying.

 

Q: Should you be friends with your ex?

A: It is a subjective matter and totally depends on the nature of three individuals. One is you, other is your ex and third and most important person in this case becomes your life partner. How does your partner feel about you speaking with your ex. Even though there is nothing at present between you and your ex and you are good friends, however you will have to try to understand and accept the fact that there was some past between you two, so it becomes bit difficult for your life partner to accept.

Just talking to your ex once in a while or when you coincidently meet or you have to visit a place where you know your ex will be present, in these cases, it is not harmful to talk to them. To know for sure, talk to you current partner about how do they feel and if its alright for them if you talk.

 

Q: If you are having a bad day, would you want your partner to leave you alone or cheer you up?


A: This brings us back to the first and most important thing a couple must have and that is clear communication. One would not know in the initial stage of their relationship how exactly to handle their partner when they are having a bad day. Every person behaves differently during bad time and might react differently and use ways to lighten their mood, some wants to be left alone, some listens to music, some screams, some feels light after sharing.

I suggest it is best to ask your partner how do they want to be treated and what makes them comfortable during such moments.

 

Q: I am not able to adjust with my partner, what should I do?


A: Adjusting with anyone is a matter of priority and perspective. Lets say, both of you work, girl doesn’t like to cook and you like home food. What would you do, fight everyday? One way to resolve if to get a cook. If you cannot afford one, then priority comes into play, how much you care and respect each other. Since both of you work, it becomes both of your responsibility and cooking together would prove to be very effective as there won’t be any bias. As you both are adjusting, either of you cannot complain about it and on the positive side, you both will get more time together in an activity which will strengthen your bond and understanding.

When you are questioning that it is you who is adjusting, you might want to take a deep breathe and observe the things that your partner has changed because you like it that way.

 

Q : What is the tipping point that makes you not care about relationships anymore?


A : None. Most people at some point feel this way. They never want to get serious in future relationships. Making a decision to not care about relationships will not only make you suffer but it will also affect the partner you will be with in the future which I believe is unfair to that person.

I think there is nothing more powerful that can hold people together than love. Once you see that the other person is pouring his/her love so much that you start to accept what has happened in the past and see that your past memories starts to fade away.

 

Q : If I only cheated on my girlfriend/boyfriend once, am I still considered a cheater?


A : I think the better question you should ask yourself is why did you need someone else when you already have the one by your side. If you loved your gf/bf then you wouldn't normally think about anyone else and it will show in your behavior and girls/boys will also not try to hit on you since they would have sensed it. If they are, that means something in your behavior triggered that you are open to other better opportunity perhaps, which led a girl/boy to come close to you and you ended up cheating.

 

Q: Why only your life-partner called as your better-half? Can your better-half be anyone else than your life-partner?


A: There are various reasons for that. First, your life partner is the only person with whom you are going to spend your life. Second, Parents will get old, children will be busy in their own responsibilities. Maybe you are confusing between better-half and supporter. Because, a supporter could be anyone, he could be you friend, your parent, your sibling, your teacher or mentor. They will help you elevate in your life/career but they are not the ones who is with you all the time (I mean physically). However, your life-partner will be with you all the time, all your life. Another thing I would mention is better-half can also be perceived as your compliment, it means that you both have different personality yet you complete each other.

 


Q: If you found out that your sister is in a relationship? What should you do?


A: Well, you need to calm yourself down first because it is not a crime and your mind must be flooded with all the scenarios. I would suggest, first know about who the guy is, try to find out about the guy and if his care for your sister is genuine. Second, think about how your parents might react, if they would accept or resist or would take time to accept. My first option is alway to communicate. Talk to your sister, ask her as much as possible about the guy (so you know what that guy has told her), about practical things they will encounter in future, about responsibilities they will have to handle to understand if their feelings are real or it is just the phase they might be going through. These things will help you to when you communicate with your sister and to put your opinion on the table. Once, you listen to her, she will open up and be ready to listen to you too.

 

Q: What makes you happier in a relationship, sharing or sacrificing?


A: I would ask a simple question, why does it have to be either of the above. Sharing and sacrificing is a part of a relationship not a way. Let’s say you both go to an ice cream parlor and they have only one left, in this care sharing is a clear choice rather than sacrificing. However, if you both want a dress and you only have budget for one, sacrificing will strengthen your bond. I am not saying only one person should sacrifice every time, because as I said before both are part of a relationship. Doing both sometimes will only deepen your relation and make you happier.

 

Q: Will you say sorry to your partner even though it’s not your fault?


A: I would advice to ask yourself, why would you want to get into a competition of ego with a partner you have committed your life with. Apologizing never make you any lower than your partner. I am not saying that only one person has to take that step always. One has to think that every relation is built on trust, compromise and sacrifice. It means, there is no harm in saying sorry, if you believe your apology will resolve the whole issue. Think about what is more important, your relationship, your memories of moments spent together or a simple apology.

 

Q: Is it alright to change anything for your partner? Or should you?


A: It is perfectly fine to change your habits. I will not recommend to do it for someone. What I mean is, first think about what is being asked to change, then think about whether the change is good for you or benefit you, if the answer is yes, then change it but change it for yourself. I would always recommend to make sure that any decision you make should always be yours, no matter if it is influenced by someone else. Because after you make a decision, it will not matter who made you take that decision, all that would matter is that you will have to live with that decision.

 

Q: Do you feel that your kids don’t listen to you? What can you do ?


A: This is a typical stage with teenagers where parents feel their kids are being influenced by their friends and not listening to the parents. In this case I will not blame the teenager since they will not know the difference between a good or a bad decision or friend circle for that matter. What I would suggest to parents is to think of the time when they were their kid’s age, and what were their feelings. What I mean is, kids want someone who will understand their mindset for doing certain things or their point of view rather than listen to boring wisdom from their parents. They need someone they can freely communicate with and who will listen to them, once you listen to them, they will start to trust you and also begin to take your comments or opinions on their thoughts or actions.

Best way to get into someone’s head is to listen to them.

 

Q: What are the bad habits you should avoid or you will regret later?


A: Well, the answer to this could be debatable because everyone will have a different perspective of good and bad. However, in a general sense, I feel if you are doing something consistently that will harm you (physically or mentally), it is a bad habit. Anything under a limit is manageable but who will decide the limit now? For example, I have seen a lot of people including my clients who initially never had alcohol or smoke. One day they tried it for fun, couple of months later, they justified their drinking or smoking as occasions, which after couple of months turned into once a month thing, which turned into once a week. Now it has become a habit and they justify it with the stress they have in their work/life Believe me, regret is not something you want to keep at any point in your life, it will eat you from the inside like a termite.

 

Q: What role does money and intimacy play in modern days relationship?


A: Money and intimacy in a relationship is equally important. If one has money but lack expected intimacy, frustration will kick in, on the other hand, if you do not have required money for your daily needs, no matter how great your intimate life is, after some time, you will realize that money is important to survive and when you are not able to provide for your family, it will again lead to frustration and which will slowly affect your intimate life.

 

Q: You are rich and successful but still you are not happy?


A: Happiness is not something you chase, it is a by product of the actions you take. Being rich and successful might have given you a temporary high and a feel of happiness but once you are there, it will be the same thing everyday. How long will you be happy buying material things or partying.

You have to ask yourself and understand your priorities, what matters to you. Even if you are rich and successful, maybe they are not something that you value most. Think about what does and do that.

 

Q: Relations with your family is broken and you want to repair it. How?


A: It is a great thing that you want to improve your relationship with your family. Now I am assuming family where means your parents, wife or kids and not relative because the advice would be different in that case.

If there was something bad happened in the past with your family, don’t try to do nice things believing they will readily accept it. They won’t. Instead, think of the things that you think are the causes as to why the relationship is the way it is today. You would find plenty of mistakes done on both sides.

Once that is clear, take a step forward, get all your family together (don’t talk one on one), and explain all the mistakes you did and accept it in front of them. This will help change what they think about you. Now, through your actions, show that you really want to patch things up.

 

Q: What are the best things to strengthen your family?


A: Best thing one can do to strengthen the bond with their family is clearly communicating any and all misunderstandings that arise between them. One should not hesitate to let their family know how much they mean to you. Many people tend to take their family members and what they do for granted. Accepting the differences and appreciating smaller things done for each other are key factors in building relationships.

 

Q: What is the effect of cell phones in family life?


A: How anything affect someone’s family totally depends on how they want to keep it. Internet has brought the world close but sent even neighbors far from each other. People are hammered with infinite information every second. To avoid personal connection, people are getting addicted to virtual world and cell phones are providing a temporary satisfaction.

People watching funny or animal videos are thinking that they can be happy watching it but only to realize the emptiness they feel as soon as they are off their phones. They realize that they do not have the relation with their family as they wanted or used to have. In broader terms, cell phones can ruin your life if you give priority to virtual reality over real relationships.

 

Q: Should you disclose your past relationship with your partner?


A: Everybody has a past. Expecting that your partner should never have been in a relationship is biased and in a way selfish. There are certain things you have to be clear about, such as how is your relationship with your partner, are they understanding or are they always suspicious. You do not want to put oil in the fire, at the same time you also need to be very careful about how much information you share about your past relationships. Because no matter what, your partner starts to create a picture in their head if you are describing any personal details about the past, which will unnecessarily bother them and difficult to accept and move on.

Hiding could be risky, because no matter how much you believe that they will never find out, I always advice to tell it yourself rather than heard from someone else and we won’t know how others will describe it. Be honest with your partner, but cognizant of details at the same time.

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